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-   -   The Art of Being a Gentleman (https://forums.skadi.info/showthread.php?t=149090)

blut-ehre Monday, March 8th, 2004 04:45 PM

What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Just as the name says , I was wondering what to the people of skadi; a gentleman was classified as? Please no dictionary definitions :D just whatever you can think of.

Taras Bulba Monday, March 8th, 2004 05:01 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by blut-ehre
Just as the name says , I was wondering what to the people of skadi; a gentleman was classified as? Please no dictionary definitions :D just whatever you can think of.

Someone who lives by the eternal ethics of chivalry and honor. He's generous to others; helps those in need. Devoted to his family, peers, nation, and God. Be prepared to defend his honour, the honour of others, and the honour of his folk.

I guess thats my idea of a gentleman off the topic of my head.

Taras Bulba Monday, March 8th, 2004 05:03 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Something that goes into more details

http://www.victorianstation.com/gentle.html

A Gentleman

The Victorian gentleman must have been really something to behold if the following article is true. For any woman who has dreamed of the "knight in shining armor", the perfect man, or just a man who would give up the TV remote control, you have found him here. Remember, these gentleman mostly existed in the Victorian era. Few of us may be lucky enough to find one in the 20th century. For those of you still looking, you may get some good tips on things to look for in a man. For those of you who are married, take heart and remember, your husband may not resemble the "Victorian Gentleman", but you love him anyway.



Compare Newman's portrait of the gentleman to those found in discussions of the concept of gentleman by Gaskell and other authors as well as specific characters in Browning, Dickens, and Trollope.



What is a Gentleman?

It is almost a definition of a gentleman to say he is one who never inflicts pain. This description is both refined and, as far as it goes, accurate. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him; and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself.


His benefits may be considered as parallel to what are called comforts or conveniences in arrangements of a personal nature: like an easy chair or a good fire, which do their part in dispelling cold and fatigue, though nature provides both means of rest and animal heat without them.


The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause ajar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast; -- all clashing of opinion, or collision of feeling, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom, or resentment; his great concern being to make every one at their case and at home.


He has his eyes on all his company; he is tender towards the bashful, gentle towards the distant, and merciful towards the absurd; he can recollect to whom he is speaking; he guards against unseasonable allusions, or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation, and never wearisome. He makes light of favours while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring.


He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort, he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him, and interprets everything for the best.


He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp sayings for arguments, or insinuates evil which he dare not say out. From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend.


He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries, and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing, and resigned, on philosophical principles; he submits to pain, because it is inevitable, to bereavement, because it is irreparable, and to death, because it is his destiny. If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blunder. [From The Idea of a University, 1852]

Moody Monday, March 8th, 2004 06:15 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
A gent-leman is he who is well-born [gen-].
So originally the gentleman was he of noble blood and birth.

In Shakespeare's Henry V, the king promises those brave, but ignoble, fighters of his that he will "gentle their condition".
So already, the notion was had that one could be raised to the gentry even if one were low-born.

I suggest that this relativises the concept. Essentially a gentleman should be a man of good Blood.
Handsome is as handsome does.

Taras Bulba Monday, March 8th, 2004 06:31 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Moody Lawless
A gent-leman is he who is well-born [gen-].
So originally the gentleman was he of noble blood and birth.

In Shakespeare's Henry V, the king promises those brave, but ignoble, fighters of his that he will "gentle their condition".
So already, the notion was had that one could be raised to the gentry even if one were low-born.

I suggest that this relativises the concept. Essentially a gentleman should be a man of good Blood.
Handsome is as handsome does.

I believe gentlemen are made from character, not from social class. A peasent or a worker can be just as much a gentleman as any member of the elites.

blut-ehre Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 07:57 AM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pushkin
Someone who lives by the eternal ethics of chivalry and honor. He's generous to others; helps those in need. Devoted to his family, peers, nation, and God. Be prepared to defend his honour, the honour of others, and the honour of his folk.

I guess thats my idea of a gentleman off the topic of my head.


And what of the ‘cunning’(branched off of the Will to Power and Selfish Gene theory thread), that are not as honorable; merely wanting to live though having to implement harm, but still living up to most morality standards in your perspective ?

Mistress Klaus Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pushkin
Someone who lives by the eternal ethics of chivalry and honor. He's generous to others; helps those in need. Devoted to his family, peers, nation, and God.


I find your mention of God disturbing. What God in particular?....oh ..the big pompous male that was supposed to have created us....BULL.

Sigrun Christianson Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 02:17 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
A gentleman makes all around him feel comfortable and welcome. He doesn't point out our flaws. Holding open a door for a woman comes naturally. He thinks about the feelings of those around him. He would never swear or cuss in front of a woman and only rarely discusses politics in front of her and never finances. He isn't forced or pretentious. He is discreet, trustworthy, and loyal. He isn't loud or obnoxious because he doesn't need to be, he can get his ideas across firmly but quietly. He appreciates art, science, history, and education of all types. Women flock to him because they feel so good in his presence. Men want to be like him. He isn't a coward in any sense of the word and he honors his agreements be they expressed or implied. He is generous, altruistic, and compassionate.

I am lucky enough know a man like this. :)

Mistress Klaus Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 02:57 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sigrun Christianson
A gentleman makes all around him feel comfortable and welcome. He doesn't point out our flaws. Holding open a door for a woman comes naturally. He thinks about the feelings of those around him. He would never swear or cuss in front of a woman and only rarely discusses politics in front of her and never finances. He isn't forced or pretentious. He is discreet, trustworthy, and loyal. He isn't loud or obnoxious because he doesn't need to be, he can get his ideas across firmly but quietly. He appreciates art, science, history, and education of all types. Women flock to him because they feel so good in his presence. Men want to be like him. He isn't a coward in any sense of the word and he honors his agreements be they expressed or implied. He is generous, altruistic, and compassionate.

I am lucky enough know a man like this. :)


And alot of ladies men have these traits as well......(the true gentlemen type as mentioned above). Beware of the man that wields the sword of a gentleman...for he knows his power over a fair lady,... underlying a heart of deceitful gratification...that he hides so gracefully...

Gladstone Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 04:05 PM

Re: What makes a gentleman, a gentleman ?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sigrun Christianson
A gentleman makes all around him feel comfortable and welcome. He doesn't point out our flaws. Holding open a door for a woman comes naturally. He thinks about the feelings of those around him. He would never swear or cuss in front of a woman and only rarely discusses politics in front of her and never finances. He isn't forced or pretentious. He is discreet, trustworthy, and loyal. He isn't loud or obnoxious because he doesn't need to be, he can get his ideas across firmly but quietly. He appreciates art, science, history, and education of all types. Women flock to him because they feel so good in his presence. Men want to be like him. He isn't a coward in any sense of the word and he honors his agreements be they expressed or implied. He is generous, altruistic, and compassionate.

I am lucky enough know a man like this. :)

Congrats Sig!

All in all the definition you provide of a gentleman and the Victorian one of Pushkin's seem to describe what would make up an all around healthy and decent guy which is ultimately from what I can tell is what women want.

So, now that a gentleman has been defined this question must be asked.

What defines a gentlewoman? :D


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