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Men, Women & Relationships Matters of friendship, love and marriage. Gender roles in society and matters concerning the sexes.

View Poll Results: How long have you been in your relationship?
Under a year 9 30.00%
1 - 3 years 6 20.00%
4 - 8 years 7 23.33%
9 - 15 years 5 16.67%
16 - 20 years 2 6.67%
21+ years 1 3.33%
Voters: 30. You may not vote on this poll

How Long Have You Been in Your Relationship? What is the Secret of a Successful, Lasting Relationship?

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Old Sunday, July 19th, 2009   #11
ChaosLord
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Going on 5 years come September
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Old Monday, July 20th, 2009   #12
Atlas
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Atlas is noble of speech.Atlas is noble of speech.

My relationship have always been short - 3 months at the longest actually. I think though I am a serious man, and very faithful maybe the women I find just play with me and dump me or made me want to dump them, both happened.
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Old Monday, July 20th, 2009   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J Baughman View Post
I just want to make sure she is the right one. Ha Ha
You haven't yet?!

My wife and I have been together for about 2,5 years, and married for almost 1,5.
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Old Thursday, February 16th, 2017   #14
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We will have our 9 year anniversary in summer. Wow, I didn't even realise how fast time went. We've known each other for a longer time though, but just as friends. In fact I can't remember a time not knowing him.

I can still remember the moment we became more then friends like it was yesterday. It ended in an unplanned pregnancy but we both welcomed it and turned it into an early start of something that was going to come at a later point anyway. I was scared of being a young mother but I had support from my partner and both our families. I knew he was the right man to start a family with and we later had two more children.

What keeps us together, well, our friendship, our politics and of course our children. We never broke up or separated. If we had problems, we confronted them together. He defends me, I defend him and together we defend our family. There have been some critical attacks on my family but most come from childfree people and feminists who hate the traditional family.

My advice to married couples would be to focus on you and your spouse and don't pay attention to what outsiders say. You may face criticism and long faces from strangers but don't turn it into a setback. The more you work on your relationship and family, the more you show the middle finger to the liberal, feminist, sexual deviant and anti-family crowd.
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Old Thursday, February 16th, 2017   #15
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Sure I'll bite,

I was in a relationship for 16 years first dating a year or so, then living together and finally getting married and divorced. The dating part was great common interest were found, the living together was even better. The marriage was horrible. Without going into great detail, we simply grew apart after a few setbacks. Over the years we would separate for weeks and months and get back together. I know what went wrong as we both changed as we got older. We did not have children together and that was a big strain because I wanted children and I still think they are a bond that keeps a relationship together and growing.

It got to the point where I did not feel comfortable being myself around her and I drank to keep myself in a cloudy state to avoid the inevitable. I quit drinking and started pursuing the things that I enjoyed in my life, like hiking/woodslore and spending most of my free time outdoors.

At this stage in the game of life, I don't know if I want to be in a romantic relationship, I'm just not sure. I really don't know if there is a Mrs. right or whatever, though I would not mind having a friend that likes to share new things together, but she better be an outdoors type of person if there was ever anything to last.
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Old Thursday, February 16th, 2017   #16
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We met at the end of 2012, we recently celebrated 4 years. We've had the ups and downs because it's one of those relationships which defines "it's complicated". I travel a lot through my work, while his work mostly keeps him in one place. We live in different countries and come from different cultures, but we are both Germanic. So I could say we had some challenges but we pulled through. It has been my longest and most serious relationship to this point, and we discussed children, so we will have to settle down and come together in one place. I would like marriage but my sister had a failed marriage which made me be a little more cautious about hurrying into things. We take it as it comes.
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Old Thursday, February 16th, 2017   #17
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Don't let outsiders meddle in your relationship. Respect your partner and don't flirt or fool around with others, especially if you have young children. Be a real man, and your woman will treat you like one. But most important is to be on the same page politically and ideologically. Most breakups stem from those differences. If you want children, you don't want to spend the day arguing about their education. So get a partner of the same ethnic background and same ideology. Forget exoticisms, those are recipes for failed marriages from the start. And don't get me started about what religion can do...
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Old Thursday, February 16th, 2017   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpearBrave View Post
Since we have lived together all of that time, I get at least one hint a day. I just want to make sure she is the right one. Ha Ha
This quote was from 2009

1999 started living together

2015 separated

2016 divorced

my math was bad 17 years.

Oh, well I should have listened to my gut instinct back then and stayed living together.
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Old Friday, February 17th, 2017   #19
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We've known each other for 13 years, in a relationship for about 9. We have some shared history, shared values, common world view and similar interests which makes us both good friends and partners. A relationship is a two-way street, people have to be in it together for it to work. Sometimes opposites attract or complement one another, but generally the more people stand for the same things, the easier it is to understand and support one another.

One of the most important things in a relationship, probably even more important than romance is IMO friendship. As the saying goes, love is friendship set on fire. Of course love and passion are also important, but if we look at the most successful social bonds, those based on friendship last longer. Oftentimes, people find themselves thinking, how could they ever have been together with that person, when they were really so different. Some people rely on their friends even more than they do on they partners, and it's not surprising. A friend is always there and accepts us as we are. So why not also share this kind of bond with one's partner? There have been studies done on couples married 15+ years and both husbands and wives put "liking spouse as a person" or "spouse as best friend" as one of their main reasons behind their marital success.

The next most important thing is communication. If two people can't find a way to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship may not stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly. Lack of communication can cause distance and a sense of alienation to grow, and over time, if issues are left unresolved, the relationship is likely to become yet another statistic of failure. Unresolved conflicts are, in essence, the beginning of a death for any relationship. Of course there are also times when silence is golden, and some arguments are not worth starting. Many couples fight and bicker over the most trivial things, especially when put into context of issues of true importance. We rarely have arguments, and verbal or physical violence is unknown in our household. We've never had a big fight or broken up. That doesn't mean that everything has been rosy, we've faced other kinds of life's challenges, but we try to make our time together pleasant and whatever comes we are usually in it together. He compliments me often as I get ready for work, we part with an embrace and a kiss, and we meet with one, regardless if one is recently off the plane or if one if just going out or coming back from work. He is my rock and I am his, if something bothers me he is there for me to listen and help, and I there for him. There is always a topic of conversation, if anything there is not enough time to exhaust it.

Trust, safety and respect - we need someone who makes us physically and emotionally safe, someone we can open up to, work together with and entrust with our personal issues or belongings. But at the same time we need to show that we too can be trusted and provide these things in return to our partner. If I accidentally leave my computer running I know my partner will not snoop through my personal stuff and only use it if he needs it for something. At the same time I've never understood the desire of girlfriends to snoop through their partner's phones and this becoming so widespread to the point where I am considered the one strange for not engaging in such activities. It's not about having something to hide but about having some respect for the other's privacy and personal space. If my partner wants to share something with me, he will share it, and if he doesn't, it's probably unimportant, uninteresting or doesn't concern me. Many people don't snoop because they suspect something but they end up creating scenarios in their heads after they snoop. Also, going through someone's stuff without permission and without a good reason makes them feel distrusted and uneasy. It's better to address such issues in a face to face conversation.

Loyalty, empathy, patience and compromise - relationships are about not only taking, but also giving. Sometimes we may take more than we give, sometimes we may give more than we take, sometimes our patience is tested or we test the partner's patience. This needs to be evened out with time and reach an overall balance. Being there for one another, supporting each other through thick and thin, sharing both the good and the less fortunate moments basically goes hand-in-hand with the above. There have been difficult times when my partner said he would understand it if I left, and times when I told him he could leave me, but neither of us gave up on the other. Some people said we are loyal to a fault, unfortunately, many people forget the part about "richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" and bail out as soon as they face such challenges. What was once considered normal and reasonable is now considered exceptional or even deviant.

Assumption of permanence (i.e., that the relationship will last a lifetime) - this is something that may seem obvious but many omit. Of course, nothing is certain in life but relationships generally break from the inside. If one doesn't believe it can last, it probably won't.
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