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Men, Women & Relationships Matters of friendship, love and marriage. Gender roles in society and matters concerning the sexes.

The Art of Being a Gentleman

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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #91
Elfriede
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I really can't stress how much I appreciate it when men act like gentlemen and when women act like ladies. It's a topic I am always ready to talk (or in some cases argue) about. Absolutely, we should be taught these things from a young age. It makes me so happy when I see men holding doors or when I'm offered a coat. I can't stand to hear about these women who act ungrateful or upset about these things so I always make a point to smile and say thank you whenever a door is opened for me etc...

Unfortunately, these mannerisms are becoming rarer and rarer. It's really terrible. I'm going to make sure my future children are thoroughly familiar with these types of actions. Of course, girls should also be taught about these things. I'm seeing more and more women and girls act like complete slobs.

It's OK to "be yourself" around people you know really well of course. As long as you aren't making anyone uncomfortable. For example I have a friend who I absolutely adore but she will burp really loudly in front of just about anyone. I always want to wag my finger and tell her that that is not ladylike behavior
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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #92
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfriede View Post
I really can't stress how much I appreciate it when men act like gentlemen and when women act like ladies. It's a topic I am always ready to talk (or in some cases argue) about. Absolutely, we should be taught these things from a young age. It makes me so happy when I see men holding doors or when I'm offered a coat. I can't stand to hear about these women who act ungrateful or upset about these things so I always make a point to smile and say thank you whenever a door is opened for me etc...

Unfortunately, these mannerisms are becoming rarer and rarer. It's really terrible. I'm going to make sure my future children are thoroughly familiar with these types of actions. Of course, girls should also be taught about these things. I'm seeing more and more women and girls act like complete slobs.

It's OK to "be yourself" around people you know really well of course. As long as you aren't making anyone uncomfortable. For example I have a friend who I absolutely adore but she will burp really loudly in front of just about anyone. I always want to wag my finger and tell her that that is not ladylike behavior
Obviously the flip side of "Being a Gentleman" is "Being a Lady".

But lets face the facts, Cultural Marxism has done a number on the current society, and as a rule they put emphasis on the LOWEST common denominator in behaviour.

In this society it does not pay to be a "Gentleman" or a "Lady" in society because of the other Marxist influenced lowlifes in the culture.

Also it does not stop you from practising such behaviour among the people you know and love. And let the Marxist Lowlifes fend for themselves.
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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #93
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Herr Weigelt has earned the respect of peers.

I try and keep these formerly widely accepted male behavioral norms in mind whenever I'm out and about. I try and either let others in before me and open the door, especially for the elderly and women.
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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #94
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Originally Posted by renownedwolf View Post
Ladies do you appreciate gentlemanly behaviour?
I love men who act like a gentleman and show good manners. The problem is that I´m too much of a rural woman to know about all the good manners to show them the men in reverse... Some rules I don´t know, some I tend to forget and some I think are overdone.

For example, I´m quite clumsy and don´t know all rules of etiquette and Knigge. That doesn´t mean that me and my family act like tribal cavemen but I would be hopelessly lost and clueless on a business lunch or gala dinner! Which with fork or spoon on which side of the plate do I eat this or that? What´s with the napkin? And why does it matter so much anyway?
I´m also accustomed to talking while eating: A table where people don´t talk with each other while eating is unknown to me.

So yes, I appreciate men who respect women (like it was common in our old Germanic societies) and act like real gentlemen but they shouldn´t be so stuck-up and snobbish that it´s no fun anymore. Well, I think a "relaxed" or "lax" gentleman would be my ideal. I couldn´t handle a man with James Bond-like manners, that would be incompatible with my peasant-self. Chances are high that he would get on my nerves with his manners in less than 30 minutes.

(And if you have to burp while sitting on the table then don´t panic and just try to do it softly while holding your hand before your mouth, that´s enough. We aren´t in Rome but in Germanic woodlands after all, rawr! )
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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #95
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To be a gentlemen/lady is following middle upper class behaviour.

I gave it up as a learned behavior (though I still do some things habitually).

I do what I feel is the role of a men and what comes natural in regards to your woman.

That gentlemen behavior is nowadays pretty outdated and sometimes I do ot want to make myself into a clown. I also want the respect of other men and that pretty much means I don't do 'weird' things.

For sure it means that I do deal with the shortcomings of my woman in a calm and loving matter and the aim not to be aggressive or demeaning. I certainly have a strong input as what I want to do and in which direction I go into the future and take the input and wishes of m woman into that.

A basic behavior and some societal standards in a woman certainly helps. I understand that women operate differently and accept and deal with it.

It is more of a felt supportive and protective behavior and supplying a steadiness than a fixed code of behavior.

There are actually 64 rules given by Odin between men and women and I consider those to be more important.
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Old Wednesday, April 11th, 2012   #96
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It's the way I was brought up and I the way I have taught my own children. It sits up there with not littering, stealing, etc., and cherishing the family and culture of your forbears.

Thusnelda - I'm with you on good chat and conversation whilst eating (and also the family sitting together at meal times around the table - no tv meals!!!). It's a time to come together and share the day.
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Old Thursday, April 12th, 2012   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by renownedwolf View Post
She believed that I still had quite 'old fashioned' and ingrained mannerisms regarding this, such as opening doors,
I think you mean holding the door open.

Which is outdated, today one is expected to slam the door in the face of the person behind you. Oke, that is not really expected. But I do witness that most people no longer take the trouble of holding the door open for people who are close behind and instead just walk straight on.

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and walking on the right hand side along the street etc.
Even if the road is on the left side? Because the purpose of that thing is to protect the female from splashing water caused by passing cars.

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I personally believe that being a gentleman is an important thing for boys to be taught from a young age.
One sees today the effects of no longer enforcing certain common courtesy rules in the young and what effect it has on society at large. Littering, trolling, the popularity of music styles that objectifies women, etc.

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Do you? Or is it an outdated concept?
One could say that certain outer forms of such behavior are outdated, however the basis of it is not.

Quote:
Men, do you consider yourself a gentleman?
A perfect one? No.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KingBritannia View Post
of course letting ladies go first,
There are situations where one is not supposed to let ladies go first. In these situations the guy is expected to act as a scout to see if it is a good place for the lady to enter and/or of there is a free place for them. Also you are the first one to climb and decent stairs.

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Originally Posted by Thusnelda View Post
Which with fork or spoon on which side of the plate do I eat this or that?
If the spoons, forks and knives are properly ordered there would little problems with that. Since one uses them from with the ones on the outside first.

Quote:
What´s with the napkin?
You lay it out on your pants.

Quote:
And why does it matter so much anyway?
I would have to look that up.

Quote:
I´m also accustomed to talking while eating:
It is forbidden to talk during a meal? And not just no talking with food in your mouth (which also helps preventing food getting into your air pipe)? That is a new one for me. All I heard about that is that certain subjects might be considered taboo on the dinner table. Depending on which area of the world you are.
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Old Thursday, April 12th, 2012   #98
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Well, I was taught all the proper manners and reminded of them constantly as a child so they are pretty much ingrained now. This is the way to raise children in a culture.. just tell them what is expected of them, and repeat as needed. When they turn into teens, it will be a relief to have a grownup around instead of a thug.

This is also something of a test for me.. if a woman appreciates being treated properly and has good manners in her turn, it's a really good sign. If she just walks past without so much as a look when the door is opened for her, I know she's not worth my time.
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Old Thursday, April 12th, 2012   #99
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ocko View Post
To be a gentlemen/lady is following middle upper class behaviour.
That gentlemen behavior is nowadays pretty outdated and sometimes I do ot want to make myself into a clown. I also want the respect of other men and that pretty much means I don't do 'weird' things.
Sure, but in the working class background I come from it is nothing to do with 'class', rather it has to do with respect and, yes, what are considered 'old fashioned values' - which I see nothing wrong with. It was certainly something that I saw and experienced in a working class culture again and again - it is only a sad reflection of our degenerating times that such acts are considered less the norm.

For my part I make sure I do the gentlemanly thing because it is the right thing to do for me and in order to set an example to others - like giving up my seat on the bus/train for an elderly person or pregnant woman, parent with small child, etc. If other men don't think I deserve their respect for acting like a gentleman then they don't deserve my respect!
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Last edited by Thorbrand : Thursday, April 12th, 2012 at 08:05 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old Friday, April 13th, 2012   #100
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroeneWolf View Post
If the spoons, forks and knives are properly ordered there would little problems with that. Since one uses them from with the ones on the outside first.
But how should I know that they are used from the outside to the inside? Well, I doubt that I´ll ever have a business lunch and gala dinner, anyway. I prefer laid-back restaurants or typical Bavarian Wirtshäuser.



Quote:
You lay it out on your pants.
I always thought they are there to clean your mouth or hands.
Quote:
It is forbidden to talk during a meal? And not just no talking with food in your mouth (which also helps preventing food getting into your air pipe)?
Well, I guess I can´t fully preclude the possibility that I talk some words with a few bits in the mouth but it´s not a general thing and it depends on the meal and the people around. If something is really tasty I can´t wait with my feedback until I swallowed it down. I guess it´s a matter of upbringing and I don´t think it´s icky when someone has to speak some words while eating. As long as the mouth isn´t completely full, as long as everything is understandable and as long as one doesn´t disgorge everything while trying to talk...

You people make me feel like a backwood barbarian now. That´s mean.



Wanna have a seat in our dining room?
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