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Men, Women & Relationships Matters of friendship, love and marriage. Gender roles in society and matters concerning the sexes.

The Art of Being a Gentleman

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Old Friday, April 13th, 2012   #101
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I consider myself a gentleman, I like to open doors for ladies, give up my seat on the bus, carry grocery bags and similar. But I guess there is always room for improvement. I like traditional roles.

Once I held the door open for a woman when me and some friends were going to a pub, the girl got mad and said she could perfectly open the door herself.
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Old Friday, April 13th, 2012   #102
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To me being a gentleman means not being rude to anyone and not accepting rudeness from anyone.
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Old Friday, April 13th, 2012   #103
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Originally Posted by Hersir View Post
I consider my a gentleman, I like to open doors for ladies, give up my seat on the bus, carry grocery bags and similar. But I guess there is always room for improvement. I like traditional roles.

Once I held the door open for a women when me and some friends were going to a pub, the girl got mad and said she could perfectly open the door herself.
I know the feeling: I always (persistently bordering on stubbornly) hold the doors for ladies at the university and over the years I have gotten all kinds of responses you can imagine: Some women smile kindly in return and some of them really kindly - like they would marry me if only I asked. Others do not seem to know how to respond to my gesture and simply rush right through the door while avoiding eye contact at all costs. And then there are of course those "progressive and liberated" types who seem to take offence and give you the "what-the-f##k-are-you-doing?"-look.

However, the oddest response I have so far gotten was one girl whom I held the door for when we were both on our way to the campus library. The following day we were both approaching the same door again and all of a sudden she ran ahead of me, grabbed the door handle and held the door for me to pass through, giving me a wide smile as she did. How is a gentleman supposed to respond to that?
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Old Friday, April 13th, 2012   #104
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Gentlemen are awesome, especially my sweetheart.

Does anyone remember this?

He puts on my coat, opens doors for me, extends me his arm, carries my shopping (this is a damn hard task ). It can get a bit annoying at times if I'm walking on the "wrong" side of the road and don't even realize it and have to switch. And he puts up with my dramas quite well.

But really generally, I can't complain, he makes me feel adored.

Anyway although I appreciate gentlemanly behavior, I'm just not used to expecting it by default, especially not by members of my generation... it's not programmed in me and this can create awkward and even embarrassing situations. Sometimes I forget about it even when my partner wants to make a nice gesture for me, e.g. when he wanted to pull a chair for me in a cafe but I already pulled one for myself.

Manners and etiquette make sense to me up to a certain point. I'm not really comfortable in fancy restaurants and around snobbish people. I once saw someone eating a hamburger with a knife and fork, now that's a bit over the top. I think one can be classy without being pompous and superficial.
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Old Saturday, April 14th, 2012   #105
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Schneider has earned the respect of peers.

I have grown up understanding that treating women differently is asking for trouble.

At work, it is harassment, or favoritism.

Then their are the women who try to influence men in management by encouraging an establishment of a different standard for them.

At work I absolutely do not act differently towards women.

I do hold doors open for people. I am polite. Man or women.

Since I have always lived at work these habits are the same later in life, when on the street.

I act differently around elderly. I understand the culture and what is expected.
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Old Saturday, April 14th, 2012   #106
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Two ethical manuals that I might suggest are:

Havamal.

Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, penned by George Washington but largely an English translation of a French Jesuit tome on etiquette.

http://www.foundationsmag.com/civility.html
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #107
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thusnelda View Post
But how should I know that they are used from the outside to the inside?
By reading about it, just like I did. Alto I forgot to mention there are different ways to order the cutlery and other things to be put on the table. So there are some variances.

Quote:
I always thought they are there to clean your mouth or hands.
I give a score of 2 out of 3 . That is indeed what they are for, the third function is to help protect your clothing.

And after then some looking up about the why you lay them down on your lap, because that serves as a signal to the staff that they can start serving and that the napkins will not be in the way.

Quote:


Wanna have a seat in our dining room?
What is on the fire ?
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #108
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The Havemal and good ethics require men to respect women and behave as gentlemen at all times.
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #109
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I don't go in for the effeminate rituals of being a gentleman, poncing about with what fork goes with what is just daft and pointless. GentleMAN! I'm more of a barbarian at heart and I believe that the acts of being a gentleman should have a practical use more than just for show.
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Old Sunday, April 15th, 2012   #110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by renownedwolf View Post
I don't go in for the effeminate rituals of being a gentleman, poncing about with what fork goes with what is just daft and pointless. GentleMAN! I'm more of a barbarian at heart and I believe that the acts of being a gentleman should have a practical use more than just for show.
1st: Proper manners is a way of respect.
2nd: Proper manners, or the lack thereof, shows who belongs and who does not.

There time and place for proper manners is always right here and now:

.


Between gentlemen, even a duel is no excuse for bad manners.
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